The Lovely & The Loveless
by hopingforhoplessness
Summary: "I will always love you." He whispered in my ear."I know" What happens if the Capitol managed to take Katniss? Turned her into a monster only capable of death and torment? Left to live the life of a sadistic assasin? Forced to kill her lovelies against her will? It was a punishment of the worst sort and worst of all was that tomorrow she will have to kill the one she truly loves AU
1. Chapter 1

Prologue:

_60 seconds._

_Wrists slit._

_Broken spine. _

_Choked to death._

_30 seconds._

_Decapitation._

_\Hit by train._

_Bludgeoned to death._

The options played over and over in my head. _So many ways to kill_. I could feel death creeping up at me. Willing me to do its bidding to bring yet another lost hopeless soul back into death's embrace. The bloodlust so strong I can just imagine myself with the victory of my kill in each scenario. A smile crept up on my face slowly as I thought of my favorite ways to end my next victim.

_5 seconds._

_Throat slit._

_Broken neck._

_Free fall to death._

_1 second._

_Knife through the back._

_Arrow through the eye._

_Axe lodged into his head._

One minute. One minute was all I needed to end the life of one person. Given the time and possibilities are endless. Grotesque as they may be, nothing can compare to life back at home.

Blood curdling screams were the soundtrack of my life. The last hopeless cries of the dead resounding in the air we breathe, as if they no longer physically suffer, but are forever tormented. They are left here, their screams, to remind me of who I am and what I did. They are cursed and bound to me and not another second of my life will I be granted peace.

I hear them. More real than if someone came up to me and shouted at me. These screams were harmful to me. In more ways than one, because unlike the people I hunt now the owners of these screams were people I knew and cherished. To each cry I could match a name, face, and family.

To say I was a monster was an understatement, but a person can only do so much when they aren't their own. Regardless of my desire to stop _her_ the bloodlust took control. The first to go was my mother. Even though I hated her for what she did to us I didn't want her to die. I couldn't. I willed her to stop, but she was too strong the other part of me.

I used to be an actual person before the Capitol came and interfered. They said I was too valuable to waste my life in favor of the districts. They took me and changed me against my will. They made _her_ the evil blood thirsty woman that stole my body.

The rational part of me tried to fight at first, but I could feel my self slipping away. All the memories that I've ever had disappeared tainted with blood and tears.

In place of the love and compassion I had towards these memories I only felt empty and the other woman's desire to kill took over the last amount of space I thought was mine.

I had hoped to be a contender in the fight of my own free will, but seeing as though the Capitol had something to do with it. They made sure that the odds will never be in my favor. I lost. I lost my family, my friends, my life, and my love. Soon I will lose my memories and along with them my will to live. Then when the last pathetic thread of the person I once was vanishes I will be gone too. Then I could be with them.

Within the last two years everyone I had known died either from my own hand or from my actions. I try hard to remember their faces, but the memories become too painful. I hide them not daring to bring them up until I think I can handle them again, but when I try to remember them all I see is myself staring right back up at me covered in blood and smirking as if to test if I will do anything, but I won't. I'm too much of a coward. I turn away into my corner and cry, but of course no tears come out, because I'm not allowed to feel sad when the other part of me is laughing happily at my pain.

At night I'm plagued with nightmares and nothing I can do will help them go away. I can feel the other part of me reveling in her "victories" she sleeps soundly at night. I however will not be granted the peace of sleep. Instead I lay awake humming to my self trying hard to remember the feel of two strong arms wrapped around me.

"I will always love you." He whispered in my ear.

"I know" was all I said back. I closed my eyes trying so hard to bring his face back to me once again. I couldn't find anything, but before I let exhaustion take over I saw a pair of blue eyes staring right back at me. I blinked once and they were gone.

_I am Katniss Everdeen. I am nineteen years old. I was the victor of the 74th Hunger Games. I rebelled against the capitol as the Mockingjay. I was punished and turned into a killing machine. My body is not my own. I am in love with Peeta Mellark. He is my next target._


	2. Chapter one

**A/N: Thanks for all the support you guys. I promise every time my phone buzzes in my pants when I get an email telling me someone alerted my story I do a little happy dance. Just to make things a bit more clear I would just like to say that this takes place after _Mockingjay_, but with a different ending. Well onto the first chapter my lovelies.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games. If I did I wouldn't have spent the week after finishing Mockingjay locked up in my room crying.**

Chapter one

I woke to the sound of quiet singing. It was dark and the little television by the front of the room caught my attention. I watched for a couple of moments listening to the song. It was beautiful, nothing short of genius and sooner than later I found myself singing along. That was when I noticed it. The person on the television was singing to a small child lying in a bed of flowers.

I didn't even recognize myself on the screen. For all I knew everything I saw on the television was a lie lies that use the faces and voices of the dead to deceive me. That version of me died along with the games, with the rebellion. She does not exist any longer.

The more I watched the angrier I became and soon I found my self screaming into the screen. I was screaming for all it was worth and soon I couldn't take it anymore. I took the knife from my night table and aimed it right between the eyes of Katniss Everdeen.

"Deep in the meadow is where I buried everyone I loved and it's all because of you." I threw the knife with all my might and the television shut off with a shuddering zap.

Feeling too restless for anymore sleep, I decided to get a head start on my training. I stripped off my pajamas and put on a pair of pants and a comfortable long sleeve t-shirt. I walked to the side of my bed and laced up my boots. Double knotting the laces because I can. I smiled down at the sight for a second and then mentally slapped myself for remembering.

Remembering the dead is stupid it only makes you weak. This was what I learned from my years of punishment. It's better to kill and forget. Don't dwell on what could have been because it can't _be _anymore. I've become numb or at least I try to believe I had, but they're working on that. The capitol doctors are working hard to make sure I won't have to feel, won't have to remember, won't have a chance to say no to the dreaded things they make me do.

I walked over to the bathroom connected to my room and washed the sleep off my face. Then I braided my hair back in its place down my shoulder. The cool water felt good on my warm skin. I walked over to the other side of the room all intentions of ignoring the tall lengthy mirror by the faucet, but today it caught me.

I stood I front of the mirror while placing my weapons on the belts on my body. I slipped my arrows in my quiver, slung my bow over my shoulders, slide the knives into the belt at my waist, and placed a couple of daggers in the belt between my thighs.

I glared at my reflection. I hated how I looked. It reminded me of who I am and how I will never really be able to forget what I had done. The capitol may do all the memory erasing and tampering, but I will never forget these scars on my body. Each imperfection too grand even for the capitol to erase. Each scar brings a story with it from beginning to end, because with each scar a story of death is sure to follow.

I lift up my shirt and trace over the little bumps that cover my body, forming a makeshift puzzle of my skin from head to toe. The patches of skin no longer red, but still as gruesome. I brought my hands down my body when I finally reach the dip in my skin at the left hip. Many would say that this was the most grotesque scar yet, with a noticeable gap from where my flesh should have been and the ragged teeth marks still visible. It's long healed, but it remains a brilliant shade of red.

My opinion on this matter is rather quite different. Although I have many scars gained from my physical hardships to show for like the multiple gashes, bruises, and gaps in my body. Only one scar manages to haunt me day and night. It may not have been from my missions or my torture certainly not from my games because those were erased long ago. The scars form my second games and some from the rebellion were erased before the capitol took me and tortured me. I mean who would want to rape a girl covered in scars from head to toe?

The scars from my torture mean nothing to me, well not anymore. They took those away too. I was actually pretty surprised at first. Some of the things they did to harm me would have killed me. I was for sure that they would leave the grossest scars, but it was during my torment when I receive the second worst scar. And Snow himself granted me this torture. He decided that he would be the person to take my virginity.

He won. He broke me and my will to live and to fight. I could take physical pain, but the fact that the one last thing I thought would have been mine to share with my love was so easily taken broke me. And this scar could never be erased not even with all their fancy medical equipment. After Snow did the deed he made sure I was always reminded of what I could never have. I would never have the will to control who takes my love. He sent different people every night and they would have their way with me. I would scream and shout for hours. The sound ten times worse than when they would cut the skin off of my body. I felt dirty, worthless, and broken. They broke me in two and I'll never be able to fix myself. And the worst part was that Snow enjoyed himself. He fed off of my body and my screams and pleas gave him everything he wanted. He made sure to visit me once a day.

I pulled my shirt down my body and tried so very hard to forget the awful feeling of his hot breath on my skin. My whole body shuddered involuntarily. Snow loved when my body did this and the reminder made my body do it all again. I looked back up to my face and _she_ stared right back at me. She was the worst scar, because I could never get rid of her no matter what. And I couldn't hide her and keep her out of my sight. I could feel everything she felt remember everything she can. The worst part is when she kills. When she gets to her victims and spills their blood she feels happy. A happiness that could only be compared to the happiness Snow receives when he hears me crying out for him to stop. It's sick, twisted, and all kinds of disgusting. It is her and she is me. Death would have been a blessing, but Snow would not grant me a blessing.

Instead he made me kill. I remember when he made me kill something so innocent. It almost killed me. No. It did kill me, but I would not be granted death, because _she_ would not allow it. I had murdered little Finnick Jr. and his precious mother Annie for her and Snow's enjoyment. And I had let them rot with the others in my meadow without even so much as a thought to do otherwise. I am monster and I hate myself. I hate her. And I hate Snow.

I ran outside the sight of my own body too much for me to handle. "I need to forget. I need to forget." I said over and over to myself in hushed whispers. I ran to the kitchen and some Avox handed me an apple. I bit into the glossy red sphere, but an odd though of bloodied food crosses my mind and I loose my appetite. I threw the apple on the floor.

I ran as far away as I dared. I ran all the way through out the training center. My legs aching for the over exertion and my mind foggy from lack of oxygen, but I would rather be left hazy than to have a clear memory of my past life. I'm not for the districts anymore. Every one I love is dead or will be dead and they can't hurt me more than they already have. I smile slightly at the thought. After today I wouldn't have to worry about killing any one I love anymore. The capitol will make sure of that. Today, as an act of mercy they will kill me. Well not my being. If that makes any sense? But today any traces of who Katniss Everdeen the girl on fire was will be destroyed. The last pathetic memories of her past life gone with her rational fierce loving self. She will finally be able to take over. The blood thirsty monster clawing at me to let her take over. I know I'm a selfish coward, but I want it to end. Honestly, truly, madly I want to forget and be gone. May it be a selfish act, but it will be my last selfish act.

I know I'm trying to deceive my self, because deep down I do know that the only reason why I so easily allowed Snow to do this was so that I didn't have to face Peeta and kill him with her own hands. It was too much. Kill her it would, but not only would it kill her it would break everything she knew to be real. And the one last thing she knows to be real will die too. Peeta's love for her will certainly die along with him. And she couldn't bear to watch when it happens. Selfish as it may be, it was my last wish. And I want to die knowing that he still loves me.

I make my way to the training room and throw around a couple of knives. Shiny red apples scattered all across the room making a wide range of targets. I scan the room memorizing each apple's placement. Then I close my eyes and take a couple knives in my hand. One. Two. Three. Just as I'm about to let the last knife fly through my hands I hear a blood curdling scream. My eyes fly open instantly and I twist my arm up at the last second. It grazes her forehead and draws blood. The woman falls to the ground holding her bloodied face and sobs. "Dammit Leah! Why would you walk in here when I'm training?" She just sobs and sobs and sobs. "Ughh! What do you want?" I scream at her. She hands me a bloody note. Then runs away from me as fast as she can in her ridiculous shoes. I just stand and smile at how silly she looks. "Come on now. It's just a scratch." I snort out. I can still hear her sobbing. I feel something remotely close to guilt, but when I feel my self about to apologize I hear her horrid shoes clicking in the distance and this is enough to bring me back to my senses. "Stupid Capitol whore" I shout out hoping she can hear me.

I look down at the bloody note in my hands. It is printed in pretty frilly paper. I only notice how out of place my bloody scared hands look against it. I read the words after smearing some blood out of the way.

"_Katniss Everdeen please report to the medical room. Procedures begin in one hour."_


	3. Chapter two

**A/N: Thank you for all the alerts and favorites my lovelies. Excited for some Peeta? Don't worry he's coming to the rescue.**

**Disclaimer: I don't and will never own a single part of the hunger games. I just own this little twisted plot bunny. **

Chapter Two

I walked silently through out the building trying to remember all the good memories I've had here. It was hard, when ever I tried to remember about Peeta. All my memories seem so distorted and blurry and frankly I just didn't trust them. Not in the least. The Capitol made sure I couldn't remember well. But oddly enough when I find myself in a particularly bad situation, my mind grants me easy access to my memories. Almost as if _she_ let her guard down. I've always told myself that she did it out of pity, but who am I to turn down a good opportunity to be with Peeta?

I took the elevator straight to the penthouse. I closed my eyes and the velvet sound of his laughter filled my ears. I felt like crying. It was a sound I missed so much. It was a sound that told me everything was alright. I could just see Johanna Mason strutting her stuff right now. I found myself laughing along, but then I remembered that I killed her too.

I guess _she's _not so nice now.

I walked into my room. I remember when I thought the worst thing that could happen to me was the hunger games. But just look at me now, with two hunger games under my belt and not to mention a very bloody war. I remember when I would have nightmares about having killed one boy. I have killed thousands and you don't see me crying every time someone says boy. It was just another thing that reminds me that I am not who I once was. And it was only four years ago when this all started. I laughed a bit at the complete absurdity of my situation.

I laid down on the soft bed and curled up into my side with a pillow. I closed my eyes and for the first time in two years I could see him. I saw him in his pure unadulterated self with his arms around my waist and my head on his chest. I could smell cinnamon and vanilla on his tan skin. I placed a kiss over his heart and I could feel him stroking my hair softly with his warm hand.

I dare not look up. It has happened too many times before. I'm not that stupid any more. Last time I chanced this I slowly watched as his face contorted and changed into Snow's face. It was horrible in every way possible. Right now I just want to fell his hands in my hair and his steady heartbeat under my ear.

"Katniss. Katniss, wake up. You're going to be late" he said while gently nudging my shoulder. "No. I don't ever want to go." I said clutching onto him tighter.

"But you already decided to leave me." He whispered against my ear and nuzzled his nose by the side of my face. "Why don't you love me?" I turned to look at his face. He looked just as much as Snow as I do, but that's not what bothered me the most. I could see in his eyes only sadness. It made me want to rip myself apart._ How could I have made someone I love so much so sad?_

"Just promise me that you will stay with me?" he said in his velvet voice. I kissed his lips. It was soft and sweet and sincere. Just like how I know he likes them. "Always"

Then I felt a slight zap go through my body. I screamed out suddenly the pain surprising me. "I'm sorry miss. We've been trying to wake you up for the last twenty minutes." He blurted out, but it was too late. I took out a knife and slit his throat in five seconds. His blood splashed all around me and pooled around his limp body on the floor. "Damn peacekeeper."

I crossed over to the other side of the room and grabbed the other peacekeeper by his collar. "How many times do I have to tell you and your fucking leader to leave me alone? I can get where I need to get myself and if any of you filthy peacekeepers touch me again I will kill all of you." I shouted. I took his head in my hands and twisted his neck until I heard a loud cracking sound. "Oh well. They'll get the message." I said while wiping the blood from my hands onto his shirt.

I took on last glance at the bed. So pure and white, but just like our love it was defiled with blood and death. I closed my eyes and pictured his face in my mind and froze it. It was the perfect picture of him. Blonde hair tousled, blue eyes full of love and adoration, smile wide and happy, and all I could think about was how much I wished I could have had this moment frozen forever.

I took a quick detour and made my way to the roof. I sat on the cool floor and stared out into the horizon. Somewhere he was out there. I only wish he could die quickly. I waited a few more moments and soon the sun started setting. I was long over due for my procedure, but it's not like they won't do it. I just decided that if I could spend one more sunset with Peeta's love still strong I could die happy. And I was right. Somehow seeing the orange slowly disappear made me come to a revelation. Soon we will both be dead and when that happens we can finally be together and not have to worry about anymore death. This is what drove me to say goodbye to the sunset on the roof.

I took the elevator to the bottom floor of the building. And made my way down to the procedure room. I walked straight to the door with the mockingjay on it ignoring the screams and pleas from all the other doors. A couple of peacekeepers nodded to me and led me inside.

"Ah, nice of you to finally join us my dear miss Everdeen." said Snow. I just stared at him and climbed into the cot. "You're lucky we're still going to do this." He said while a couple of doctors strapped me into the cot. "Luckily I remembered that you promised you would come. And we don't lie to each other don't we?" I just watched him unable to think of any sentences.

I hated this position. It was always too uncomfortable. My weapons were taken from me and I had straps on both of my wrists and four more followed just a couple of inches away from each other on my arms. My waist was bound to the metal cot tightly and there were several wires attached to my abdomen underneath the band. They had stripped me of my clothing completely, but I stopped being embarrassed a long time ago. It only made Snow pleased when he knew I was ashamed of being exposed in front of him. Of course I still was, but I just became really good at hiding my emotions from him.

My legs were spread open at shoulder length apart and the cold metal from the cot drew goose bumps out of me. The tops of my breasts reacted to the cold and Snow just stared and smiled. It made me want to throw up. They bound my ankles and a series of little leather straps made its way up to the apex of my thighs. I couldn't move at all.

The worst part was the head gear they put on me. My neck was strapped down too. The slipped over this metal contraption over my face. It had little needle like pieces that dug into my skin at my temples. And they placed something over my eyes that prevented me from blinking one bit. A couple of sharp needles pierced the back of my head where two holes will forever take its claim in my skull. I refused to scream. Screaming only made Snow happy, but we all know that this victory will be short lived.

They stuck me with a couple of Iv drips which contained the medicine that has been slowly making me loose my mind. I heard them say it was a form of tracker jacker poison, but I would much rather be stung with tracker jackers a dozen times than to suffer this.

It was a sickly green color and it was already making rounds through my blood. I could feel my mind going numb. They placed a couple more wires on my body and a series of electrical zaps started making its way through me. With each wave of electricity my body shook violently which only made my head hurt worse. I could already feel the blood seeping through my hair and slide down my back.

The metal cot started maneuvering and moved into an upright position. The screens turned on everywhere I looked. The walls that confined me all lit up. In each I saw faces of those I loved. They put the metal spokes into the back of my head to make sure I didn't miss a single second of this. I was busy watching a rebel propo gone bad. A hospital I was supposed to be helping went up in flames because Gale shot a special arrow at us.

The pain was getting worse. The leather bands were getting tighter and tighter and the amount of electricity running through my body was getting higher and higher each second.

Snow made his was towards me now. "How's about a special treat for my precious Mockingjay?" He moved towards me, but I couldn't see what he was doing. My eyes were focused on the screen. Prim and I were sleeping at home in our house in district twelve. Then suddenly Gale, Peeta, Finnick, Johanna, and Haymitch waked into the room. They took me and tied me to a chair and told me "Just sit still and enjoy the show sweetheart." I watched as Peeta mad his way towards my sister. He took the blankets from our bed and threw them across the floor. I watched, but then I smelt Snow's awful breath by me. He was running his hands all over my body with a smile on his face. I tried hard to ignore him when I heard him unzip his pants.

In the screen Prim was tied up and naked. I started screaming. This was so much worse than when he showed me this version when I was in Prim's place. They each took their turns with my sister. Peeta first then Gale. I could only hear the helpless screams of Prim followed by my own.

There was only one other sound even more sickening than the innocent screams of my sister. It was the sound of flesh against flesh. The sick slapping sounds and the grunts that followed after them. It was wrong. It was twisted. It was disgusting.

As much as I know that Peeta would never do that, the poison was kicking in and right now I wanted nothing more to do with Peeta. Or anyone else. I could still feel Snow on top of me. The pain of his intrusion easily masked when another wave of electricity took over me. He was laughing and his sweat was all over me now. My screams were getting worse and worse. Haymitch was having his turn with Prim now. And the way she pleaded with him broke my heart. They didn't stop they just kept going and going. Prim's broken face will forever be in my mind. Then I heard her speak in her garbled speech.

"This is all your fault Katniss. You didn't protect me. You just left me here with these monsters." she tried to tell me through her tears. I couldn't stand it any more. I just broke down and started crying. Crying for Prim. For Peeta. For me.

Snow let out with one final grunt. I have never felt dirtier than I am right now. I threw up. It was a mess of blood and some disgusting green liquid. It got all over Snow. He picked up his pants and looked me right in the eye.

"You filthy slut!" He shouted then he slapped my face. My head jerked violently. I felt the needle at the left impale the side of my face. I screamed out loud. It was a sick guttural scream. The blood was gushing out of the back of my head now. And I promise I could feel my skull crack a little more. The pain was unbearable and I could feel myself blacking out.

Just when I thought it was finally over a particularly painful wave of electricity shot through me. My body jerked up in response and brought me back from my little moment of freedom. "Oh No. You're not blacking out on us again." Was all he said and then another wave of electricity shot through me again. My whole body was convulsing and red foam was pouring from my mouth. "Perfect. Just the way I like you. Now, if you will let us begin your memory erasing." He said while kissing my cheek.

He added another wire to my forehead. "Play disc number three" he yelled to somewhere in the room. Then a woman in red came to us with a cart lined with various needles, syringes, and bottles of the sickly green fluid. "Aurelius, over here." He said and motioned for a doctor to come by. "Now just let the good doctor do his job and no more fussing." He said and smiled once more.

"Good bye Katniss Everdeen. It was nice having someone as feisty as you in my life. Lord knows old Snow needed some fire in his life" he chortled and left the room.

I spit more blood out of my mouth.

The screen showed the faces of all the kills from my missions. Some I don't even know whose names are. All I could put together was the fact that they all had something to do with the rebellion. Still I felt guilty, but _she_ was getting to me and I found myself staring at the faces with a triumphant grin on my face. I felt some pressure in my left arm and then another wave of electricity. I screamed. The electricity seemed to have an effect on the green liquid. And as it flowed throughout my blood it seared everything in its path. Then once all my assassinations have past they started showing images of the people I loved. My mother, Prim, Gale and his family. Then they shot another vial of poison into my system along with the electricity. My mind was going blank and I couldn't form anymore coherent thoughts. All that made sense was that I had killed them and that they did something bad towards the capitol.

The screen kept on interchanging between shots of capitol representatives helping injured people and delivering food to the hungry districts to rebel soldier firing at innocent Capitol citizens. Then there were shots of the Capitol doctors nursing young children back to health. One of them being me. And another was a young male with an amputated leg. They also showed a picture of me left to die in a pool of my own blood in a cave with the injured boy at my side. I could only guess that this was his doing.

They shoot another vial of poison into my system. Another picture of the boy appears and he is trying to drown me in the water by the beach. Another vial. Then they show him laying in my bed with me. His arms around my waist and my head on his chest. He starts humming to me, but when I close my eyes he takes a knife and stabs me repeatedly. Another vial.

It goes on and on again. In each situation the boy tries to kill me and I just sit like a lovesick fool. Another vial. Why couldn't I have fought back? Why am I so stupid? Why did I allow a monster to be so close to me? To touch me? Kiss me? I don't know, but before I could get too deep into my thoughts they shoot another vial into me, but instead this one went straight to my heart. I screamed for all I was worth and the last image I saw on the screen was the blond boy standing over my body smiling with blood all over his body. I looked down and noticed that we were standing atop a huge mountain. The mountain itself seemed to be oozing blood and green liquid, but when I looked close all I saw were the faces of my loved ones. "I killed all these people. Real or not Real?" he asked in his disgusting voice. I felt the searing pain up in my chest now. "Real" was all I managed to choke out before the drugs took over my system and drag me to sleep.


	4. Chapter three

**A/N: Ok I know I'm a horrible person, but every girl needs her vacation right? I just hope none of you guys turned your back on me yet. But how about a little sneak peek as to where this story is heading to? Meet me at the bottom and we'll see if you guys will start thinking twice about reviewing. **

**Well onto the story my lovelies!**

**Nothing belongs to me. But one day something will. (:**

Chapter 3

"_Well you are my accuser, now look in my face, Your oppression reeks of your _

_greed and disgrace, So one man has and another has not, How can you love what it is _

_you have got, When you took it all from the weak hands of the poor?_

_Liars and thieves you know not what is in store?"_

Peeta.

_ Peeta._

**Peeta.**

Fucking Peeta Mellark.

I look into the eyes of my victim. Fear and humiliation creep into the last coherent moments of his life. His light blue orbs roll up to the tops of his lids. Trying in one last desperate attempt to rid themselves of this rather pathetic stand for self preservation. Well at least this one tries to show he's afraid of me. Most others think that somehow staring me down will gain them a small portion of their dignity back. If they wanted dignity they would have killed me. Unfortunately this rather brazen act ends with a dagger to their fearful eyes.

I let out a loud scoff and push my weight wholly onto the wound holding his guts in. He lets out a bubbling scream and starts choking on the thick blood. I punch his throat and he immediately stops screaming and his body starts convulsing from lack of oxygen. I smile down at him. "You were a good one. Even look like him too." I say while running my hands through his blood drenched blonde curls. They were to short to be _his. _And for some reason my small feeling of content vanishes. "But you're not him." I say angrily. I couldn't stand to look at this imposter anymore. I stand up and more blood pours out from his gut.

I can almost make out a small sigh while I walk away. Feeling unsettled, I grab a knife from my side and throw it right at the soon to be corpse. I hear the unmistakable crunch of bone and when I turn back the knife rests perfectly between the once beautiful eyes of this traitor.

I make my way across the streets back to the training center. I can feel the blood running down my arms the warm substance pooling in my hands and dripping down by my sides and onto the strange yellow cement on the floor. I can feel the eyes set onto the back of my figure. I pause and stare at the ground waiting for the screams. They follow me as they always had. First was a woman. Loud and cat like and strangely pitched unlike any I've heard before, but it's the capitol. And everything is messed up here, just like me. But I've learned to accept it and…enjoy it. A semblance of a smile creeps onto my lips as the tortured chorus of screams fills my ears. Quite enjoying the satisfaction of this moment I wait and listen just staring at the ground. No one dares to bother me. Afraid they'll end up with the same fate. After all I just torturously murdered a man a few minutes ago and still have my weapons seconds away from being deadly. To them. Not to mention the fact that President Snow would kill a whole school of children before anyone laid a hand on me. Well if anyone besides him laid a hand on me. Regardless the feeling of freedom was nice.

The gasps and wails were begging on the edge of annoying and I took a step onto the strange colored path. My boot smeared the blood onto the yellow stone and I lost it. Anger once again taking over the better part of my judgment. I turned slightly towards the back of me where a large group of people had congregated around the bloodied body.

I deadpanned at the people still halfway aware of my capability to murder. I could pick out a few faint whispers. "Why did they let her do this?" "Someone needs to control her." "How did Lover boy ever fall in love with that monster?" was the most daring. It came out of the mouth of a large chubby woman probably in her mid thirties. It hurts to say that I was offended. The heathen named Lover boy did not love me in the least and it pains me to see how they all openly adore him when they _know_ what he did to the capitol and its people. Not to mention the fact that he had single handedly killed my family and his. That monster. He was the head of the rebellion and killed and killed and killed. I know I have no right to point my fingers because obviously I had done my fair share of killing, but everyone hates me and wants me dead. And I'd take that any day if my other option was to be adored by these idiots.

I took one step into their direction and they stopped their gossip. They just stared openly with fear and distaste obviously directed towards me. I took up a green tipped arrow and aimed right for the chubby woman's gapping hole of a mouth. It shut her up instantly. The others just stared in complete shock still not believing I had just killed that fat whore. "They could use the extra space she took up." was the only thought that crossed my mind as I followed the sunset orange trail of blood and yellow pavement back to the training center. Behind me a loud thundering explosion went off. The warmth of the explosion grazing my skin in an almost unpleasant manner, but I welcome the feeling nonetheless.

There were no screams to be heard, no shouts to be made, and no curious mouths to tell me that they think I am a monster. I couldn't hear anything right now all that remained in my head was the urgent desire to end the life of one Peeta Mellark.

The person who killed what was Katniss Everdeen.

"Nice stunt back there Miss Everdeen." Said one of the attendants by the door. "Finally got your revenge?" she inquired in that pathetic voice of hers. "No, and I don't think I ever will." I said quietly. She closed the doors off and asked to follow me into my bed chambers. To help me tend to my wounds. I let her in without much thought. I stood by my bed and slowly began to strip. First to go were the weapons. Even the ones in the most questionable places. Then my shirt. Though my wounds were quite remarkable for such an easy kill, I didn't even wince once as the cloth of my shirt ripped away with the dried crusty blood sticking to my wounds. Then I took off my pants and headed for the medical chair provided for moments much like these.

"How'd you get these Katniss?" said the attendant "I can see your bone" she whispered quietly probably afraid I'd start panicking or something._ Idiot. She thinks I'm some sort of hopeless gimp._ "He had a couple swords. Thought he could cut his way free." I said back.

She was probably on the verge of throwing up. _I hope she doesn't puke on me._

She lathered my wound with this yellow salve and probed the inside of my wound with her fingers. Trying to get as much of that shit into me as possible. Then she takes of the rest of my clothing and rubs my body with this gritty pink substance that smells like roses.

I hold back the urge to throw up. Her hands were very thorough in her quest to rid me of the blood and grime. I only wished she'd let me clean my own ass. I wonder how she would feel if someone continued to shove their hands up into her twat every single day. Somehow I must have said that out loud and she ran away quickly and embarrassed. I hate to admit it, but I feel somewhat bad. She was the only person that didn't talk about themselves when they were helping me. I tried to make up for it and ran to the door. I screamed out into the hallways. "If it makes you feel better I'll let you rub it some more." I asked genuinely.

I turned to my right noticing small gasps and finally noticed exactly what situation was at hand. Half of my body was sticking out from the door and I'm not to proud to mention the fact that that particular part of me was less than shielded from the view of the group of tourists on a trip throughout the training center. They just stared gawking at my breasts trying to piece together why exactly I had been standing in the hall naked and as to why I had offered a woman to "rub it some more."

Realization had finally hit me, but I refused to cry or blush or run away. So I just stepped out and closed my door. The cool air making the tips of my breasts make an appearance for the audience. I could hear silent whispers and cheers from the male audience and a few camera flashes. I simply nodded at them and deadpanned. Their faces were just too humorous and I turned around the other direction giving them a view of my ass as I walked toward the room at the end of the hall that served as a back entrance to my living chambers. As I walked away I could hear someone say "And that's probably why Lover boy wanted her." I gave them the bird and closed the door.

There sitting on my night side table was the letter I had been waiting for forever.

_Miss Everdeen,_

_ It is my pleasure to inform you that twelve o'clock tomorrow we will be requiring your services for a certain mission. I pray it is one you would choose to carry through. The name of your next target is Peeta Mellark._

For the first time in a long time I laugh freely, happily, excitedly. Tomorrow the demon known as Peeta Mellark will finally be put to death.

**A/N: Well what do you think? Review please! Anyways to clear things up a bit I just want to say that Katniss believes that Peeta had killed all her loved ones and does not know that he had ever loved her. She believes it was all pretend to make sure that Peeta would be the one to kill her. She knows nothing more than her hatred towards Peeta and thinks that the only way to quench her bloodlust is to carry out missions of murder. **

**Anyways onto my little sneak peek. But I need some reviews or I will never write for this again. Just joking. But honestly it would be nice. And I'm only putting a part of my out line as the sneak peek not part of the story.**

**So lets just say that when Katniss is out hunting Peeta. Something very unfortunate happens to Katniss and Peeta the ever loving man he is will be there for his girl. And let's just say things get juicy from there on out. Love, Fluff, lemons, the works.**

**Stay tuned readers. I promise its worth it.**


	5. Chapter four

**A/N: One word…one _sexy_ word. Peeta **

**Disclaimer: And again none of this belongs to me. Yadda yadda yadda. Enjoy my lovelies!**

**Chapter four**

"_Seal my heart and break my pride, I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide, Align my heart, my body, my mind, To face what I've done and do my time."_

Drip.

"_I'm going to kill her you know." says Peeta. _

Drip.

"_And why would you do that?" I asked him and took a step back._

Drip.

_He was pushed up against me now. My body flushed against his chest and the steps behind me have long since been gone. His fingertips traced loops around my neck. He leaned in close and I could feel his hot breath by my ear._

Drip.

"_Because, killing her… is the closest I'll ever get to killing you."_

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

I could still feel his disgusting presence by me.

Like we are connected somehow. And that it won't give in until someone puts an end to it. The only fathomable ending I could think of is his cold bloodied corpse under my feet. Until then, I would just have to live with _Peeta Mellark_ wandering freely around my mind.

I think of every possible reason for why I want Peeta dead to distract me from freaking out like some lunatic. Each drop of water marking the start of a new round of accusations.

I close my eyes and condemn Peeta to his own personal hell. A hell in which I will take a large part in torturing him. I only wish that he put up a fight.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Its only minutes now. Ticking away slowly by the clock to my left.

Time is such an unyielding force of nature. No amount of struggle can turn it back or push it forward. You have no choice but to live and deal with it.

And trust me. Waiting on time is probably the second worst hell there could possibly be.

"Miss Everdeen, its time." Says one of the hovercraft attendants.

The sudden break of rhythm jolts me from my reverie. And I accidentally knock over a small jar of incense on the table next to me. The slick oily fluid flows slowly down the table and pools around my boots.

The attendant insists on helping me clean my shoes, but I shake him off and tell him it won't matter.

I reach the drop off zone and prepare for what is about to come in the next few minutes. A small smile creeps up on my face. And unlike most that come these days, I don't wipe it off. The door beneath me begins to open and I could make out the faint shapes of District twelve.

From where I stand I can almost remember the time when things were good. The time where me and my sister would laugh in the meadow and lay in a bed of dandelions. But if you remember what I said about time you would know that it would be best to let the past remain with the dead.

The smile I wore fades away with my memories of Prim.

We are now over the Victor's Village and the smell of fresh breads overcomes my senses. Instead of the usual pang of hunger I receive when such times occur, I get a stomach full of butterflies. Whether it be from the sheer thought of Peeta Mellark or the faint memory of my time starving in this land.

A short ladder drops down from the open door and I climb down. An easy task due to the suit I wear. Tight and fitted but strong with the metal plates placed for my armor. My weapons are secured and my bow clings to my back in the most comforting feeling I have ever known.

The feeling of safety and assurance.

A soon as this thought crosses my mind an image of Peeta runs through my mind. Yes him and his ever tenacious desire to be a part of my every day life. But for some reason a wave of confusion takes over and I completely loose my train of thought. And I miss my drop off target.

I don't hesitate to jump off. Regardless of the trees beneath me. I aim for a small shallow lake in the middle of a forest. The cold water shakes my nerves. I make my way out of the lake and stumble over a small cottage. I decide to go and check if anyone had witnessed what had just happened, because surely anyone who had just saw an armored woman drop out of a Capitol helicopter would not keep the information to them selves. And I could not risk letting Peeta know I'm here.

I kick the door open with no regard for the persons that might possibly be present. To my surprise it is empty save for the book propped up in a corner of the shack. It was opened.

I took two steps in its direction and looked.

One page was filled with eyes. Grey eyes. Blue eyes. A mixture of both. But one thing they all had in common was the intense stare. As if somehow they channeled their own emotions. And those emotions meant whatever the beholder could make sense of. Whether it be confusion, annoyance, irritation, only you would know for certain.

For me, I could see conversations. As if they were placed here to tell me something, but why would that ever happen?

And more important. Who would have ever thought to paint a picture like this?

One that brings you on the verge of tears form the accusations so openly pointed out.

"_What have you done?"_

"_This is a mistake."_

"_You are a monster."_

"_How could you let this happen?"_

I'm more confused than ever with these feelings I'm having, but the oddest part of this is that I feel empty. Like something was missing from me. And when I try to think back to anything that might give me answers, but I come up short, blank, and utterly confused.

I step towards the other books no longer capable of holding the gaze of a pair of smoldering blue eyes. The hollow feeling traveling in my wake.

The second picture just as meaningful as the first. A picture of a young girl and a boy.

Face to face with each other on a bed. Their noses almost touching and small smiles plastered onto their faces. It is black and white, but you could tell that the blue eyes from the previous picture belonged to the young boy and the steely grey ones to the girl. But instead of the confusing acusational stares they held earlier, these only carried love.

They didn't touch, but you knew that they had longed to. They longed to be closer to each other and to comfort each other. The emptiness was too much to bear and for the strangest reason. I had let out a tear.

I walked out of the cabin with the sketch book secured inside my armor. Regardless of the confused hollow mess I find myself in now, I still had a job to carry through. And hopefully with this done I will be whole again.

I recalled the directions Snow had given me earlier. He said that Peeta usually took a jog near the perimeter of the fences around the forest. I had a plan.

I made my way to the meadow by my old house because surely if Snow had given me the right information Peeta would have to stop by here. I made my way to my old home. I expected more memories to come flooding through, but the hollowness was the only thing that made it self known.

I waited patiently while fiddling with the end of my braid for what seemed to be about an hour. The butterflies were creeping up on me again and for some reason I couldn't do it. I can't kill Peeta like this. I went to my old house and saw that a new family had taken residence here. I hid because if any one had seen me the screams would surely follow me again.

No one wanted to see me. They think I'm a monster. And I don't disagree with them.

I peered through the window and I saw a young girl with short blonde hair. The color enough to send me to the land of the lost. And I know what she wants me to do. She wants me to kill Peeta Mellark.

With my new found determination I wait. All regards to my own feelings gone. I am fueled by rage and the need to kill. The sun has begun to set and I begin to hear the not-so-gentle sound of footsteps in the distance. Now is my chance. I run right into the disgusting wall known as Peeta. My lithe figure might not stand any chance on taking him alone when he is aware, but I have the upper hand and the element of surprise with me. He just stares up in shock when he sees me and I have got him pinned in all the right places.

"Katni-"he begins to speak, but I punch him square in the jaw and the blood starts to trickle down his face. _That'll wipe the smile off of his face._

Sensing that this is not exactly a happy surprise he starts struggling. I take out a knife from my belt and trace his face with the tip. Not enough pressure to harm but enough to get the sense of my intentions. I take his hands in mine and hold them above his head. I punch him once in his gut. He lets go a puff of air and stops for a second. I take this opportunity and take the knife and jab it though one of his hands above his head. Keeping it in place.

He lets go an agonizing scream. I smile. "Now you know how my sister felt." I spit at him. He just looks at me with his pained confused expression. The sketch from earlier pops into my mind, but I shrug it off instantly. He doesn't even try to hurt me. And he barely even struggles anymore. I take a fistful of his hair and slam his head back in the ground. He lets out a groan, but does relatively nothing.

He's bleeding from his hand and I think I might have broken his jaw, but he hardly even screams. I start banging his head over and over again. Now he's not even making any noise. At first I thought maybe he was unconscious, but there he is just laying still taking all my hits and not even making any attempt at retaliation.

"Scream you idiot! Do something! You have been trying to kill me for years!" I scream at him. He just sits there mouth agape shock, confusion, and pain written all over his features. I slap him over and over and dig the knife deeper into his one hand. He sucks in a huge breath of air.

I raise my hand one more time with the knife, but get knocked over from where I stand. I feel the impact and know exactly what happened to me due to the scores of times it has happened to me before.

I have just been shot.

I stand up a little winded from the bullet, but relatively unharmed. I stand up to see the father of the little blonde girl with a gun in his hand. He's yelling something, but my ears are still ringing from the shot. I turn to the direction he's facing and see Peeta running off. The knife I hold in my hand finds its way to the body of the blonde girl's father.

I can hear shrieks coming from inside the house.

I almost feel bad for his daughters. But almost is a very vague sense of understanding.

I run towards the direction I saw Peeta run off into. I can see a trail of blood on the concrete street I'm running on. I follow it knowing that at the end of this trail I will find my prize. The surprised shrieks only confirm I'm on the right path.

It must be shocking to see the town baker running through the streets bloody and scared shitless, but I can't imagine what they are felling now that they can see that his pursuer is his supposed love of his life. I almost smile at the thought.

I run into a young blonde woman, but shove her out of the way quickly. I'm gaining onto Peeta. I'm just close enough to hit him with one of my knives or arrows. I take a knife from my side and hit his leg. He pauses for a split second, but continues on.

_Fucking wrong leg._

I can see where we are going. Were headed towards the train tracks. I take this opportunity and try to corner him. He continues to run, but he is obviously winded from the exercise. I take out four good sized knives and aim them. The first hits his bad leg and he falls to the ground. The second makes its home at the top of his arm making sure he is pinned to the ground. He reaches over with his good hand and tries to pull the knife out, but a knife goes through his hand and pins it to the ground. The last one goes flying and lands in his thigh and sticks to the dirt beneath him. He's crying out in pain now.

"This is what I'm talking about." I laugh out. He's trying to say something, but I throw out one of those capitol gadgets at him. It's metal but not sharp. It wraps around his neck and holds him to the ground cutting off his air supply.

"Katniss, tr- trai-." He tries to get through. I just ignore him.

"You fucking excuse of a human being! You killed my sister and now I'm going to kill you." I say almost with no emotion.

I bring up all of the memories I have of him and make my way over.

He pretended to love me. Step.

He tried to kill me. Step.

He killed my family. Step.

He deserves to die. Step.

I can see him staring at me with fear in his eyes, but he never quite catches my gaze and it seems he is trying to see behind me.

He's whispering something, but no sound comes out of his bloodied mouth. I smile at him.

"Time to die Peeta."

I take a step towards him, but the slick oil on my boots and the smooth metal of the train tracks decides that they won't have any of this.

I fall to the ground with a thud. The last thing I hear is Peeta shouting my name.

I lie on my back and see the underside of a train for the first time before the life was knocked out of me.

**A/N: Okay hate me. I know and I understand, but it just means you have to read the rest!**


	6. Chapter five

**A/N: Have you guys given up on me? **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it just my own twisted imagination.**

**Chapter five**

"_She had a fire inside and that terrified you, You swore that you'd never loose your control, Baby let yourself go, cause part of you hides and I know the hunger inside of you is strong, You could only hold back the river so long."_

_**Peeta's Pov**_

"_Why did you come back for me?" I asked._

"_You know why Peeta." she said and I could barely make out the faint shape of a smirk on her face. And through the dark I could see her cheeks had tinted red._

"_I thought you were dead. We all did." I answered truthfully._

"_If you had really thought I was dead Peeta, you would have killed yourself." She whispered. I was staring at her and wondering how exactly she had come to such conclusion, she stepped out._

_No longer shrouded by the cover of the dark, you could see her in her entirety. She was a bloodied mess. Her hair was matted down with dried blood and dirt. And cuts and bruises covered every inch of her body. Her bones stuck out in the oddest positions, but she still looked at me completely at ease with a smile on her face._

"_If I died right now Peeta, would you follow me?" she said in barely a whisper her smile quivering a bit and beginning to turn down at the corners._

_I hadn't realized why she had looked so sad. I was focusing on how extremely beautiful she could look when it looked like she had just walked through hell. Then I realized that I hadn't answered her question for five whole minutes. She couldn't look at me her eyes constantly drifting from the floor to behind my head._

_I took a step towards her and held her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. I could tell that she was crying, but she forced herself not to make a sound. _

"_I would follow you wherever you go." I said as I wiped a tear off of her face. She smiled up at me and I was disappointed at the sad disposition it took._

"_Peeta, I'm dying right now, but you still live. You won't follow me you can't." she wasn't holding back her sobs anymore. And with each sharp intake of breath her body convulsed and she let out little yelps of pain. I held her close to me my own tears making an appearance. We sat together for what seemed like an eternity. Her sobs had quieted down and I turned her over so I could see her face._

_I noticed a small hole in her chest right where her heart should have been. _

_She wasn't breathing anymore, but I was._

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I was breathing, rapidly and when I opened my eyes I saw nothing but a blinding light. I closed them instantly and tried lifting my arms up. Sharp pain ripped through them and my hands were sealed in thick bandages. I need help. I have to get to Katniss. I need to know if she's alright.

I tried calling for help. I tried shouting, but all that came out was a little squeak. I tried again and this time a slight grunt came out. My throat hurt like hell.

"Oh look here. The boy's alive." said a voice. The owner of the voice came up to where I was laid down. "I know you're dying to see her, but she just tried to kill you."

I recognized the slurred words and knew instantly that it was Haymitch. "I called the nurse over to check on you." I closed my eyes feeling slightly tired. "Don't talk. Your neck's all messed up and you had to have some surgery. I nodded in agreement. I wanted nothing more than to just lay down here and sleep. Forever. But something was tugging at me and I knew something had to be settled before I was granted that freedom.

I stared at Haymitch my eyes holding the secrets of my desires. Katniss was always more in tune with Haymitch, but I picked up a few and he seems to just know exactly what I need.

He looked down at me contemplating something. Though the extent of his thoughts will forever be unknown to me. He had the most sincere expression and the sight automatically made me ache for my father. I just shrugged the thought from my mind and noticed for the first time the band around my neck.

My eyes split open immediately questioning Haymitch. "Girl caught you in a choke trap. Nasty little things. A few more seconds you would have never been able to talk again."

He took a sip from the flask he kept in his coat pocket.

"Okay I'm decided. I'm only doing you this one favor. After this no more. I don't know why you guys love doing this kill me save me kill you save you crap. It's fucking annoying and quite frankly I can't stand seeing you guys like this. I actually tried to save you guys and now it seems like it would have been better if I didn't." he said matter-of-factly.

"Who cares?" You probably won't remember any of this tomorrow. See the girl. She can't hurt you right now and I think this is the only way I can help you save yourself." He muttered quietly.

"She doesn't deserve you, ya' know. I would tell you to leave her, but it would be selfish of me to ask you that. After all this time. I know you love her kid and if it means having to deal with all this shenanigans then I can't stop you. You guys are like my kids." He took another swig.

"Doc's out tonight. Now would be best, but if anything bad happens I'm telling the doc to double the meds. I can't stand to watch you cry about pocahuntress over there." He chortled.

"Go on get!" he said while propping me up on my legs.

"Two floors down. Don't get crushed kid. Now's your last chance to turn back." He said while I made my way out the door. I winked back at him.

The pain was excruciating, but ache in my heart to see what was made of Katniss was somewhat…unbecoming. I doubled my pace and I could feel I was getting stronger by the minute. The doctors of District Twelve sure knew their work.

My thoughts were plagued with the obvious, but otherwise crucial questions.

_Why had she wanted to kill me?_

_Where had she been?_

_I thought she ran off with Gale?_

_What happened to her?_

The story was heartbreaking and it honestly does bother me. I couldn't believe what she did and I just wanted to be done. I was done, but I knew the district needed me. So for two years I just tried to cope with the love of my life having left me.

I needed a break. My legs were still stiff from the days of resting. _How long has it been a day? Two? A week? _Who cares really I deserve a few seconds. I sat down on a chair by a reception office. The memories plaguing me in my wake. Like destiny just wants to make fun of me and rub salt in my wounds.

I saw everything.

Katniss with Gale. _I could never have her. _

Katniss at the reaping. _I'd be dead and never have her._

The games. _I had her, but it was all faked on her part._

Katniss in twelve. _She was never mine._

The Quell. _She might want me._

Thirteen. _She wanted me, loved me, wanted to be my wife._

Our wedding day._ She was gone._

And now she had just tried to kill me. I know I should be running in the opposite direction right now. Never looking back and get some help to deal with Katniss, but I don't have it in me. Something in me just has to make sure she's safe. Like somehow a part of me still has hope. These days I could only wish to hope for hope.

Regardless of what's happened to my hopeless life I need to know she's all right. And maybe when she rejects me again and threatens to kill me, I could finally be done and have the heart to end it. To end everything.

I'm in front of her room. Pacing. A man in a white coat sees my conflict.

"Just go in. If it bothers you this much to go in, you would never had thought about getting to where you are right now." He says pointing to my position. I thank him, grab my balls from the closet and put them on.

"And may the odds be ever in my favor."

_**Katniss Pov**_

Everything hurts. Even my mind hurts. I want to die. I want to die. I want to DIE!

I can't open my eyes or move anything. I shout out for someone anyone. I felt a pair of warm hands cup my more than likely banged up face.

"Shh, Shh, calm down Katniss. You don't have to shout for me. I'm right here." Said that lovely velvet voice I've become so accustom too. I slowly opened my eyes and there he is. My lovely husband. Well my soon to be husband. I 'm lost in his blue eyes. Nothing matters right now. Not the pain or anything. I offer him a small smile, because anything more would hurt. He just stares back at me in shock and confusion. I wonder what's wrong. Were both alive and were going to get married. OH! Our wedding! Were going to get married today! And were in…a hospital? I search his eyes. Frantic for answers.

He just looks back at me with the same speechlessness. "Peeta, The wedding?" I manage to squeak out. He drops his hands and stares at me in awe. "What happened? How are we going to get married like this?" I look down at the damage done to my body. I notice the several casts on. My right leg is covered in a cast from the apex of my legs to my toes. And my chest is bandaged heavily._ Probably explains why I can't breathe._ I think I broke some ribs. My left arm is cemented over my head with another cast and is connected to the brace at my neck. And I promise I can feel the stitches on my forehead.

"Peeta?" I wince now that my distraction is gone the pain is ever present. He backs away from me shaking his head side to side. "Katniss, we never got married." His voice was hoarse and I noticed that he was also pretty banged up. I just stared at his broken form. He was bandaged up on most of his limbs. I saw the scared timid look in his eyes. "Who did this to us?" I questioned. "I don't remember anything."

He stood there gawking at me as if I was President Snow. He had tears in his eyes.

"You did."

**A/N: Sorry for the long break. I just shattered my ankle while boarding and I just had surgery. And there is no way I could have written with the pain and all, but I'm good and ready to write again. So, don't hat too much kay?**

**P.S. Reviews help the crippled (:**

**Anyways I know some of you might be confused right at this point, but if you have any questions you know what to do. But let's get a few things straight.**

**Katniss lost her memory. Obvious or not I felt like some people might question it, but yeah she remembers nothing after Snow kidnapped her and tampered with her brain.**

**Question, review, do what you like.**


	7. Chapter six

**A/N: Well, school's starting soon and it hurts me to say that I won't be updating as frequently. I mean I just landed a new job as a teen reporter, school is sure to be hell, and on top of that I have to get by with a broken leg. Plus the narcotics they've been giving me sure don't help when trying to write a story. So, don't lose hope because I am completely committed to this story and to my viewers.**

**Stay interested and remember that a moment of recklessness can be totally worth it!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything just a wild imagination.**

**Chapter 6**

"_What if I fall and hurt myself, would you know how to fix me? What if I went and lost myself, would you know where to find me? If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me oh? Cause without you things go hazy."_

_**Peeta's Pov.**_

The beeps.

The squeaks.

And the everlasting internal shrieks.

What had happed? I couldn't be on the lesser end of the spectrum of knowledge if I tried. I'm clueless. Helpless. And albeit hopelessly afraid. _Hadn't she just tried to kill me?_ I was ready to let go. Hoping that maybe one final confession of her rejection and refusal would do me in, but here she is asking about marriage? Of all things this woman had been capable of she was so distraught over a thing of the past? I'd thought that I'd be sent to heaven and made a god before I had thought Katniss Everdeen would want to marry me. Well, especially after that stunt she pulled two years ago. It killed me, but worst of all was that she left me alive long enough to suffer this. And I hated her for it. Sort of.

I'm in that damned hospital room again.

_They must've found me in her room._

I turned to my left and spotted Haymitch sprawled across the chair and a coffee table. Legs all over the place, clothes strewn quite hilariously about his figure, and drool dripping a steady rivulet from the corner of his smelly gaping trap of a mouth. I let out a chuckle and noticed that I had not felt a single thing.

I stopped and tried speaking. The words that left my mouth were surprising yet completely understandable. Well, if you took in the fact that she's the only thing I think about every moment of my life into consideration.

Yes. The first word that came out of my mouth comfortably in what seemed like days of silence was the name of the person that will forever own my heart.

Katniss.

I said it again. And it seems like my subconscious has easily taken control of my emotions, because I swear I can almost feel the confusion and indignation slather itself onto her name. I say it again louder.

Katniss. _Katniss._ KATNISS.

I know that I'm bringing myself closer and closer to my demise. Doing these stupid lovesick things of fools, but for some unknown reason I can't help but to cling on to her name and feel hope. Yes. That's what it is. I feel hope.

"Stop your blabbering over there boy. She could probably hear you in her room." Said Haymitch while stretching his lanky arms. In doing so, he tore his sleeve at the shoulder. I just sat there laughing at him.

"Keep laughing boy. And you'll wish I had let that trap crush your neck." He threatened while tearing off the rest of his sleeve. I just laughed at the whole situation.

"I'm serious. I could cut up those stitches and rip out your new pipes right now." I stopped completely taken aback by his words. I reached my bandaged hands up towards my neck and along the sides I felt two long jagged lines. Face serious I turned towards Haymitch.

"Tell me exactly what happened."

"You want the free man's version or the worried fiancé's version?" he chortled out. I glared at him

"Tell me everything."

Haymitch went on in detail about what was made of me and Katniss after that one fateful afternoon. Apparently I've been in this sterile hellhole for two weeks and had just gone through surgery a couple days ago. Haymitch said that they had used some of their "reserved meds" for me, but we both knew that it was their leftovers from the Capitol. I'm grateful regardless.

Katniss was another story.

She was halfway dead when Haymitch brought her in. Bleeding buckets of blood and as pale as a ghost. They turned her away at first. Said something about her betrayal being unforgivable and that they owe nothing to her. Not even enough to spare her life. Haymitch fought hard for her. Even not being able to witness what must've been a great spectacle I'm pretty sure it wasn't pretty. Nevertheless, there she is. Alive. Breathing. Home.

And for that, I'll be forever grateful.

"Saved your life again." Said Haymitch

"Heard all this screaming and shouting by the trains. I was just trying to find that godforsaken goose of mine. And there you were. Screaming and bloodied, stuck to the ground, crying for that idiot girl." He had his fists in the air waving around a bottle of amber liquid.

"Katniss! Katniss! Katniss! Nooo!" he mocked me. Face contorted in pain and laughter and all. I glared at him. He met my eyes and stopped. A silent apology.

"Well, then after I got those knives out of you I saw the girl." His face went grim.

"I thought she was dead kid. I ain't ever seen anyone splayed like that before. Her legs were all bent and twisted and her neck. Ughh… her head was- I can't –It was just- ughh. I don't think I want that picture in your head boy. It might just kill you."

"But I went and got her. She was lying in a big pool of her own blood. Bleeding from a huge gash in her forehead. She was black and blue. I knew that I had to do something. I took her in my arms and ran to the hospital. Girl was pretty darn heavy." He chortled.

"Must've been all that Capitol food." He offered up to lighten the mood. I just wanted him to continue the story.

"I'm sorry I had to leave you, but a couple more minutes and she would've been gone." He came over and clapped me on the shoulder careful of all the wires and bandages.  
"And then I would have lost two of my kids."

He went back to his seat by the right of the room and flipped through a random magazine

"What happened anyways? Why she back? And more importantly, why had it seemed like she was trying to kill you?" he questioned.

I took a deep breath. Not really wanting to remember what had happened. My mind was still so jumbled up and confused, but what better way to get things in order than to talk about them. I sighed.

"I was out jogging. You know. Routines." I made little gestures with my hands.

"So I was near the meadow and I saw her running towards me. I stopped dead in my tracks not really believing it was actually her. I thought that she might have come back for me. And there I was. Standing and staring like a lovesick fool waiting for her to beg for me back." I breathed out and slumped in to my bed.

"I would've taken her back too. Then I noticed what she was wearing. Black armor. Built like the one she used for the war. And she had her bow and then she crashed into me."

"I took a moment to smile up at her. I wanted take her face in my hands and just kiss her. I was gonna spill my guts to her. And tell her how much I missed her, wanted her, loved her, everything." I was smiling. The mental image of kissing Katniss burned my brain.

"Then she went and punched me over and over. I was in too much shock to really register what was happening. She kept on talking about someone. Saying _"You killed her you killed her and I'm gonna kill you."_ I wasn't really paying much attention due to the pain inflicted on me. Well that and the fact that she was on top of me straddling my waist."

I heard a gagging noise. "Save it for the bed boy." Yelled Haymitch.

I blushed crimson. "Then she stabbed me. My hand, and - and she smiled and I think she wanted me to feel the pain. It triggered something inside of me when she stabbed me. I couldn't believe what was happening. I wouldn't give her that joy. Because only one person can truly find happiness in things like that. And I knew Katniss was not Snow. So I shut up and kept quiet. Not letting go a single sound and just stared at her."

"I felt her weight leave me and I turned around to see Bart. You know Rooba's husband? With a gun in his hand. He shot her. I turned to look at her and she was already on her feet again aiming a knife at Bart. He shouted at me to run. The last I heard was his daughter screaming for her daddy."

"I took off into town hoping maybe she wouldn't do anything with all these people around, but it didn't matter. She chased me all the way to the train station and cornered me. Pinned me to the ground with some knives. They hurt like hell. Then she tossed over that trap and I couldn't speak and it was getting harder to breathe. I saw her coming at me. Slowly. Saying these horrible things about me killing her family her sister." My voice was shaky now. The whole memory too traumatizing for me to handle.

"And then I saw the train. I tried warning her, but she couldn't hear me. She slipped on the tracks and the last thing I saw was her getting hit. I shouted and shouted and then finally I blacked out from lack of air." I looked over at Haymitch. He was watching me intensely.

"Then I saved your lucky ass." He chuckled.

"So you don't know why she did any of that? Why she came back?"

"Nope. Like I said. It was pretty quick and the only things she said to me were pretty nasty. But I did none of the things she accused me of. I'm so lost." I shook my head back and forth. Trying to remember anything that would help me think of a reason for why she attacked me.

"But the funny part of this whole situation is that she remembers none of it!" I laughed out. Sounding quite manic, but honestly did you expect me to take this all in gratefully?

"Haymitch, when I visited her. She didn't remember anything. Nothing. She was asking about our wedding. Can you believe that? She _left_ me before our wedding. Why would she ask about that?" I asked Haymitch. Desperate for some advice.

"Well kid the way I see it. I think that the blow she took to her head might have taken a bit more from her than a couple pints of blood."

"So what are you saying? You think maybe she has amnesia? Lost her memory?" I questioned.  
"Yup. Doc said it was really bad gave her a huge concussion. She can't remember anything that happened within the past two years." He came closer to me.

"Peet, I don't think she remembers leaving you. I think that she still believes you guys are getting married."

I sat there mouth to the floor in shock and completely confounded.

"What do I do?"

"Well I don't know. You can't leave her. She has no one. All her family and friends were taken by the Capitol. They're dead. It's just you and me." he offered me a small smile.

I didn't know what to do. I would be digging my own grave if I did this. If she rejected me one more time, I don't know what I would do to myself. If I cared one shred about my self I should turn away right now and leave Katniss with the dead.

But that's just it, Katniss isn't dead. She is alive and breathing just a couple floors beneath me. There is hope. There is still hope in my hopeless life. And maybe just maybe I could win back the love of my life.

There was a knock at the door.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to intrude, but I think I have something you might want to see." Said Doctor Mason. He handed me a crumpled up notebook. It was crusted with dark brown dried blood and most pages were soaked through with the stuff. I could hardly make out any of the drawings in it.

I flipped to a page with a drawing of me and Katniss in bed on the train. It was the only one not soiled by the offending substance. However there was a small blotch of discoloration. _Had I accidentally spilled water on it?_

"I found it in her armor. It had your name on it and I just thought I should give it to its rightful owner."

"Thanks Doc., but its okay."

"It was already with its rightful owner." I said giving it back to him. I turned to Haymitch.

"I'll take care of her."

_**Katniss Pov**_

"Well Katniss, it looks like you might have someone watching over you up there." Said Doctor Mason.

"You should have been dead. It was an honest to God miracle that you survived."

I smiled up at him. Too tired to do anything more. The meds did there job really well.

"However, when we were doing some blood tests we found some weird substances. It's nothing like we've ever seen before."

"What do you mean?"

"We took some samples and did some research."

His answer piqued my interest and I was honestly intrigued at what it was that was in my body.

"Katniss, the toxins in your body had traces of tracker jacker venom."

"How? I hadn't even been stung by any. I - can't – I don't even remem – how could it?"

I stared at him. Eyes wide in desperation._ How could that even be possible?_

"We are not sure how it is possible or how exactly it got into your body especially in such a large quantity, but I'm afraid that that's not the worst of the bad news."

I waited patiently bracing myself for the worst. _What more could I take?_

"Katniss, when we were operating we noticed that you have had multiple wounds that had been healed. Most of them couldn't possibly have been older than a year or two."

He walked over to me and motioned to my hip.

"May I?"

I nodded in agreement and he lifted up my gown.

"Katniss, where did you get this wound?"

He gestured to the huge gap in my left hip. It was deep and ragged still pink and tender to the touch. I ran my hand over it.

"I don't know."

He moved my gown a bit higher and gestured to a whole array of scars. I noticed the jagged cut on my arm where Joanna had gouged out my tracking device. Peeta had the exact same scar.

I did not remember receiving any of these other wounds.

There were two deep gashes on my arms that were quite recent. I could tell they weren't from my most recent accident, because the latest ones were still in stitches. The lines on my chest and lower legs brought forth no memories at all.

"Do you know where you got any of these?"

I shook my head no.

"Okay. How about these?" he said gesturing towards the back of my head.

I ran my good hand over my head and felt two holes.

"These were some really bad puncture wounds. They made it past your skull and into your brain. They were specifically placed here, this part of your brain holds your memories."

"No. I don't remember them"

"Okay, now Katniss this part is very crucial."

I nodded silently telling him to continue.

"What day was it before you woke up in the hospital?"

I didn't take a moment to think.

"It was the day right before me and Peeta were going to get married."

He sighed and wrote down something into his clipboard.

"Well that explains things." I heard him mumble.

"Katniss, I believe that you have a serious case of amnesia."

"What do you mean? How could I have amnesia?"

I don't know what's going on. How did all this happen to me? Why am I covered in all these scars and wounds? I didn't get these from any of my games. And most of my injuries were fixed right after the war happened. What's wrong with me?

The last thing I remembered was hunting in the woods. I was supposed to meet Peeta in a few minutes. We were going to have our toasting.

"No one told you what happened right?" asked Doctor Mason.

"No one told me anything. I _need _to know what happened. Tell me." I searched his muddy brown eyes, hopeful for answers. He gave me none.

"It's not my story to tell." He sighed and let his eyes fall to the ground staring at the floor.

"But I can tell you that amnesia is not necessarily permanent. You might gain your memory back. The most help I could offer with our limited knowledge of your situation would be to lay back and be patient. It can only get better with time." He smiled up at me genuinely sorry for me.

_I didn't need him to pity me._

I raised my head and looked him in the eyes, trying my best to keep a firm voice.

"I'll try my best to cope with my situation. I just need someone to tell me what happened."

The doctor stood debating something in his head.

"I'll go talk to Peeta. See what he has to say."

He turned back on his heels and left me. Dazed, confused, and scared out of my mind. As soon as the door slammed shut, I curled up into my good side and let my unwanted tears fall from my face.


	8. Chapter seven

A/N: Told you I wouldn't give up, but have you?

**Warning: Um, you know how these go. Children beware, reading this may just cost you your innocence. Well, that is if you have any left. Who knows what you do on the internet? (;**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything recognizable just my own thoughts and opinions.

PS. Have you ever noticed how amazingly poetic The Fray's songs are? I'm going to be using a lot of them pretty soon.

Chapter seven

"_So I say to you, come home, come home. 'Cause I've been waiting for ya' for so long, for so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities, but all I see is you and me. And the fight for you is all I've ever known. So come home."_

_**Peeta's Pov.**_

I visit the girl everyday.

I don't know what about her draws me in, but I just can't help it when she calls for me in her sleep. I think it's just some silly part of me trying to fool myself into thinking she still belongs to me. Crazy as it may seem, I would always without a doubt be there for Katniss. Watching over her when she's not looking. And protecting her from a distance. Even though she's asleep when I watch her, there is some undeniable tension in the room that just proves she knows I'm there.

And that was the first step to falling in love with Katniss. Again.

She watches me.

During our physical therapy sessions. Although we don't talk as much I know she watches me. I can feel her stormy gray eyes piercing into the back of my head as if she's willing me to turn around and acknowledge them. Sometimes I do, but only to have her quickly turn her attention away. I smile and notice the slight blush that creeps up on her face when that happens. She never liked to be the one to start anything.

That was the second step.

She _wants_ me.

Although denied the request, there have been many times when I have caught Katniss trying to sneak out at night. She would be in the middle of a particularly bad nightmare. Sweaty, screaming, and oh so beautiful. Little did she know that I was already there hiding from her needy eyes. She would spend hours arguing with the nurses begging them to let her into my room. They told her she needed to rest. That we both needed rest. I laughed at their ignorance. Eventually Katniss got tired and succumbed to sleep. Selfish as I may be its nice to know that Katniss would still fight for me.

Before I leave, I kiss her lightly on her lips and watch slowly as one corner of her mouth shifts up into her signature smirk. And so quickly – that if you blinked once you would miss it - the other corner follows.

That was the third and final step, because right now I know that nothing that could possibly happen would keep me from loving Katniss Everdeen.

I've wanted to take her home for the longest time. It's been a month since the accident and I'm only in this hospital because I couldn't bear to go home without her. I've been too happy lately and apparently Haymitch thinks it's awfully disgusting that a grown man such as my self could act so childish. But come on. She's the love of my life.

I know I haven't spoken to her since the accident, but Doc. says it would be best.

Because of her amnesia, Doctor Mason, Haymitch, and I have been planning what exactly we would do with her situation. According to doc's studies, Katniss' mind is extremely unstable and that even the slightest mistake in words could send her crumbling.

They have absolutely no records of Katniss after the war. But after her "betrayal" to the districts, no one seemed to care and those few records before the war were gone. Of course there was no one we could turn to. Katniss had no family left. Her mother was murdered a few months back and as for her father and sister, you could already guess what happened. But the most shocking was the news of Gale's death. It was a public murder. Being a high ranking officer as he was there would always be cameras around the man. In the few clips I've seen, it depicts a small figure clad in black armor as his murderer.

No one could put a face to the murderer, but for Katniss I promise I would find out who it was and kill him my self.

No one really knew what happened to Katniss within the past two years.

The story was that after the war was won by the Capitol, Katniss couldn't just have a lowly baker to protect her anymore. So she made a deal with Snow saying that she would show her loyalties to the Capitol by marrying a Capitol man and living there for the rest of her life.

That was the official story.

However I remember it being quite different. After the war we were both devastated when we lost. We lost our homes and our loved ones, but the biggest shock was when Snow agreed to let us all live. We were for sure that Katniss and I would be the first to be bumped of the list. We were prepared to die.

It had been months after the war and everything was doing well. We all agreed that the only reason they let us live was to make sure there were still people to fuel their desire for food and clothing. Regardless of their reasons we were pretty happy to be alive. The Rebellion was put under and forgotten. It only brought back horrible memories and no one wanted to tamper with that. The Games had stopped well stopped for now at least. No one thought about what was going to happen tomorrow. We all wanted to enjoy the fact that right now they were safe.

Katniss and I had grown closer. We moved in together and shared a bed. Eventually we shared more than a bed and that was more than I could ever ask for. We were free. Free from the games, from the war, free from pretending.

That was the night that Katniss told me she loved me. My heart swelled up so big in my chest. And I was speechless. She just looked up at me a smiled with her beautiful smile. She leaned in slowly and kissed me. It was slow and heated. Almost as if she was trying to force her love into me. Each second into the kiss and I knew I would be lost in her.

One. Two. Three. That was all it took.

Three seconds and I was hers. She gave me her love through a kiss and it was my turn to give her my love. And the fourth, fifth, and sixth seconds I did just that. We were one and honestly nothing made me happier and I knew that this moment could not end.

The next morning I woke up with her naked body on top of mine. We were still connected and I reveled in the feeling of her. I traced over her back and ran my fingers through her hair. I saw her smile. It was so bright it looked as if she was glowing.

"Marry me."

"No"

She laughed. And I thrust up into her. Her eyes shot open and her mouth formed a perfectly shaped O.

"Mmmmmmm. Peeta, More."

"Marry me."

"No." she said while pushing back into me.

"Fine then I guess I'll have to make you say yes." I gave her a couple quick thrusts and she was already moaning nonstop. _This girl is so loud and she doesn't even know it._

I lifted her up and off of me. Her hips twitching and aching, slick just for me. Her attempt at keeping herself on me was absolutely adorable. She whined and pouted as soon as I left her. I placed her carefully on the bed and leaned into her. I spread her legs slowly, so agonizingly slow. And I placed myself between them. As soon as our skin connected she started bucking wildly. Desperate for my touch and as loud as can be. I lifted up my hips just out of her reach and quickly held her hands above her head. She was wild, almost animalistic. Growling and grunting trying with all her might to connect us. I teased her again and let the head of my cock trace her tight entrance.

She was practically screaming for her release her warm juices coating our thighs. It was definitely a sight to behold. And my cock did not let that go unnoticed. It seemed as though it grew twice its already erected size. I didn't mind and basing my assumptions on Katniss' reaction she didn't mind either.

I pulled out of her reach again and she was clawing at my wrists. I entered the tip of my head into her again. She was already working her hips inching me deeper into her tight juicy wet cavern. I grabbed my belt from under the bed and tied her wrists up to the bed post while thrusting into her harshly. She screamed. It was all sorts of loud and surely did not go unnoticed by someone in the district. I just hope it isn't Haymitch that heard. While she was busy working her hips on me, I made sure her wrists were secured tightly. I yanked myself away from her needy hole and trailed my lips down her plush body. Reveling every inch of this woman. I licked her taught nipples and watched as they made her face contort in the most exquisite expression known to man. I let my tongue form patterns on her soft stomach feeling the way her muscles twitched every time I traced over a new spot.

I kissed her from the base of her ankle to the tops of her thighs making every effort to not touch her most needy spot. I inhaled her scent deeply. My breath brushing over her sensitive skin. She was watching me very closely seeing what I would do next. Every time my eyes connected with hers she let out a little whimper and I swear I could feel her getting more wet by the second. I took one lick. One lick from the base of her slit to her swollen clit. And she tasted nothing short of amazing.

I felt her whole body shake with the pleasure. The sounds of her absolute ecstasy resounding around the room. I couldn't believe I made this happen to the almighty Katniss Everdeen. She was still lost in her throes of pleasure and her eyes were rolling to the back of her head.

_And to think I hadn't even made her cum yet. _

I flicked her clit once more and carefully tied each of her ankles to the right and left corners of the bed posts. I placed a small kiss at the top of her clit and lifted myself off of her delicious body. I watched as her face contorted into one of pleasure, to confusion, to primal lust. I moved to put on some clothes and watched her struggle with her bindings. Her back arched up off of the bed and her thighs moved closer together, trying so desperately to relieve the delicious tension between them.

"You should stop trying. You aren't going anywhere." I laughed at her. Now fully dressed.

"Peeta. Ummmmmmmmm. Let me out. Ahh. I need you." She said through clenched teeth and swollen lips.

"Marry me then." I offered making my way to her.

"No." she groaned out.

"Fine then suite yourself." She watched me carefully as I put on my boots.

She scowled at me and tried with failure sure to follow to reach her juicy pussy and grant herself her long awaited release. I ran my tongue from the dip of her chin, across the valley of her tits, all the way down to her weeping slit. Her thighs and abdomen were slick and shiny and the sheets under her were soaked up to several inches in diameter.

I ran my tongue through her slit and gathered some of her steaming hot flowing juices onto my tongue. I raked my hands up over her deliciously curvy body and kissed her passionately. Forcing my tongue into her mouth and making her taste herself. I felt her deep throaty moan in my mouth as she tasted herself her own eager lips finding my tongue and sucking onto it. The whole erotic sensation brought forth a truly surprising moan from me. I placed one finger at the end of her amazing pussy and brought it up to trace her plush lips with. She offered me a devilish smirk and sucked my finger clean.

I was lightly tracing over her swollen clit. Feather light touches when she said yes.

"Yes to what?" I said stopping my motions entirely.

"To marrying you." She moaned out loud.

"Do you want to cum now?" I teased her, putting my hand over her pussy.

"Yes."

"Then no." I moved away from her licking my fingers clean of her delicious juices.

"Peeta! NO. Please – I – I – I can't – I need you – I want to. Please. Yes Peeta, I – I'll marry you." she was frantic now desperate for her orgasm.

"I want you to tell me that when you are not horny." I grabbed my back pack and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. She was speechless. Mouth to the floor and eyes wide open. Almost like a deer caught in a cross-fire. I gave her pussy a quick little tap.

She let out a little yelp. I left the room laughing like a maniac.

I locked Katniss in the room from the outside and took the keys with me to the bakery. As soon as the doors were closed I heard Katniss screaming my name along with some not so nice things.

"Peeta! You're going to regret this!" was the only PG-13 thing that came out of that girl's mouth.

I was out of our home in the victor's village making my morning trip to the bakery.

"What you do to her boy? Finally fucked her brains out?" Haymitch winked at me.

"If you're going to leave her like that, you should really think about some gags and stuff. Otherwise the whole district would know about your sexcapades." He said while patting me on the back.

"Go fuck yourself Haymitch." I said and brushed him off. As I walked away he tripped over one of his pet geese and crashed into the garbage cans.

About an hour later I came back to check up on Katniss. I had a bag of her favorite cheesy buns and some hot mint tea in a thermos for a breakfast in bed. As I was climbing upstairs I heard a crashing sound coming from our bedroom. I hurried in and kicked down the door, remembering that Katniss was bound to the bed vulnerable and had no means of defense. What I saw was even more surprising.

I looked over to the bed where I had left Katniss this morning.

She had both of her hands pounding into her aching pussy. Her right hand, four fingers deep and pumping so fast and hard the whole bed shook with her effort. Her left hand was rubbing her clit with furious abandon. She was screaming so loud I'm pretty sure that if Haymitch wasn't such a pervert he would have been up here now thinking we were being attacked or something.

Her back arched up and off of the bed while her hips slammed back up into her hands. The sounds of her flesh smacking together resounded around the room along with her screams. She was drenched in sweat and it smelled of her slick sex. I sat there watching her in awe. Although the very thought of Katniss touching her self drove me crazy, the fact that she had broken both ends of the bed post to do just that was unbelievable.

She was closer to her orgasm now and I could tell. Her screams were definitely louder and her trusts were somewhat uneven. I watched her for a couple more minutes, just staring at her face and the way her hands worked so harshly into her pussy. I also noticed the way her stomach clenched on every other thrust of her fingers.

Then suddenly she stopped. She pulled her right hand out of her sopping pussy while the left continued working on her clit. She reached over the nightstand table and grabbed the phone from the stand.

I stood there utterly confused. _Who the hell could she be calling?_

My question was answered when she set the phone to vibrate and shoved it into her vagina. She let out the loudest growl. I watched as she forced the phone into her hole. Every twitch of her wrists pushing it deeper and deeper into her until it seemed to have disappeared. Her body shook violently and her thrusts sped up faster and faster. She screamed out my name so loud it almost hurt my ears, but the fact that it was my name brought me extreme pleasure.

I watched as she rode through her orgasm. Her screams were so loud they got lost in her orgasm and were inaudible.

But what really got me was when she squirted.

I watched as her cum spewed out of her beautiful pussy and onto to sheets of our bed. She didn't seem to notice what she just did. She was still lost in her powerful orgasm and was trying to regain her breath.

"Wow. That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen"

She jumped up trying to shield her self from me and let out a scream.

"Peeta. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?" she said while I sat down next to her pulling her arms away from her chest.

"Not long. Just walked in right now." She let out a sigh of relief.

"Just in time to watch you break the bed posts, fuck your own brains out with a phone, and watch you squirt." I laughed at her.

She just stood there looking as if she wanted to cry.

"It's okay it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I love you and you're beautiful."

SMACK!

"Yes, I will marry you. But not if you leave me when I'm horny." She joked crossing her arms.

"Promise you'll let me watch when you touch yourself?" I laughed while she kissed my cheek.

She glared at me. "Fine."

"Okay, now that we're agreed. There has always been something that I have wanted to do."

I kissed my way down her body to in between her thighs. She just watched me and laughed as I licked up her cum from the sheets, her thighs, stomach, and her pussy. I made my way back up her body and kissed her deeply. She shoved her tongue into my mouth and licked up the rest of her cum.

"Mmmmmm. It honestly does make me so horny when you do that." She said licking the corners of my mouth.

"Oh does it now?" I teased.

She smirked at me.

"How about we let you take a break. Plus, I think you kinda hurt my ego when you went for the phone instead of me. Not to mention the beating our poor bed took"

"I'm sorry Peeta. I was under the impression that you didn't want me. And the phone vibrates. Do you?" she said glaring at me.

"I do want you Kat. I just like playing with you."

"To prove it, you can have this." I reached into my pocket and knelt to the floor. In my hand was a small golden band with the shape of her mockingjay pin etched into it. I reached for her hand and placed the ring on her finger.

"Oh Peeta, it's beautiful."

"I love you." She said while tackling me to the floor. "Well the bed may be broken, but the floor seems intact." She started unbuckling my pants and running her hands through my chest.

"I'd love you hopeless."

.

.

.

.

.

We made love the rest of that day. Only taking breaks for food and stuff. It was honestly the best day that I had ever lived through.

We were going to get married the very next day. Nothing really fancy was planned out. We were going to the Justice building to get our marriage license signed then have a little party with all of our friends and family. Katniss was even thinking of sending out for her mother. Then we would have our toasting at night in our house.

That morning Katniss decided to go hunting really quickly. She said that they needed some game for the party. I let her go off with Rory into the woods. I came home to bake our cake and some other pastries for our wedding day. I had to have everything perfect for today. I went and got dressed and made my way to the Justice building with Haymitch who was going to sign our papers for us as our legal guardian considering the fact that neither of us was over the age of eighteen.

I got there a little early, eager to finally get wed to the love of my life. At first we thought Katniss was having trouble getting ready. God knows that girl knows nothing about fashion, but she would always be beautiful to me. Then it was an hour past our marriage slot. Haymitch decided to send out a little search party around town. I decided to wait at the justice building until she came back.

It was night by the time anyone came back. I was already long gone.

We looked for her throughout the night, but she was nowhere to be found. Everyone else thought she had run. I didn't give up. I spent the next three days searching for her, making calls all around the district and even trying to contact Gale and her mother for information.

Then the worst thing that could possibly happen came true.

We were asking around in town if anyone's seen her again when the screen in the Justice Building went on. I hadn't really paid attention to the video. All I heard was that it was another very important Capitol message. Usually those consisted of special messages from Snow telling us that we were practically his little bitches. What caught my attention were the surprised gasps that echoed around the square.

I looked up and sure enough a gasp of my own followed on cue. There standing at Snow's right hand was Katniss Everdeen. I couldn't hear exactly what she was saying. I was just floored by the fact that she was there inches away from the devil himself and smiling like an idiot. It was minutes before the video clicked off, but the last thing I saw was a man coming up behind Katniss and swooping her into his arms. His face was blurred out and he said nothing. The audio continued playing a little longer than the video and I swear I heard Katniss' laughter and labored breathing on the other end.

I lost it.

There in the middle of the square in front of families I've known for years I broke down. I was a mess, destroying everything in my path and screaming obscenities like an idiot. It was too much for my heart to bear and somehow Haymitch knew that. He knocked me out and took me home.

I woke up heartbroken and crying with a gigantic bump on the back of my head. I looked over to Haymitch who was holding up a frying pan and grinning like an idiot. He saw my expression and stopped the bullshit.

Since then he's been helping me to try and cope with Katniss gone. He tried to reason with me. Saying that it was her nature to flee from things like this and that I should just be glad she was alive. That was the last I had ever hoped to see Katniss again.

I lived the next two years a broken heartless mess, with thoughts of suicide following me in my wake, but God forbids poor Peeta Mellark from doing such a thing,

But look at me now. It seems the heavens have given me another chance and there is no way I'm going to screw this up now. This time the nice guy _will get to keep the girl._

I made my way to Doctor Mason's office. We have one last meeting before we break the news to Katniss.

"Hey kid, take a seat. You're in for a good one today." said Haymitch already working on opening what seems to be the third empty bottle of liquor in this room.

"So, you think a guy would probably take it easy on the scotch after he's been in a hospital this long." I joked while grabbing a mint from the doc's desk.

"You guys are less than half my age and you've been here many more times that I've needed to in my lifetime. I say were pretty good."

"Suite yourself. Should I go and start coffin shopping?"

"Nahh. I think I would rather just be left to rot in my house so that I could haunt anybody that tries to touch my secret stash."

"Oh you mean the stash that's buried in your backyard?"

"Who's buried in the backyard?" said Doc. as he walked right into the room.

"Haymitch. Well soon anyways." We both laughed at him.

"Keep your jokes boy, because as soon as girly goes home with you. She'll suck the happiness right out of you to feed her depressing scowls."

"SHE IS NOT DEPRESSING!" I shouted standing up and out of my chair.

"Ok. Peeta keep it down. I don't need another reason for you guys to be in my hospital any longer." He chortled.

"Okay, let's talk Katniss." We all nodded in agreement.

"What's the story?" he asked nodding towards me.

"We were going to get married, but then on the day of our wedding Katniss' mother got deathly sick and we both decided it would be better for her if she left to be with her for a while. I couldn't follow of course. I had to tend to the bakery for the District. She left for two years and her mother only got worse. I came to visit every once and a while and she did the same, but her mother had been inches away from death this year. Eventually her mother past away and as soon as she passed she came here."

"Okay so that will cover our lack of knowledge for the past two years. How will you explain why this happened to you guys." asked Doc.

"Capitol has been sending assassins. They want anyone that had anything to do with the war dead, including all of our victor friends that had been a part of the rebellion. We barely escaped with our lives, but we couldn't say the same for our friends." I answered smoothly. We had been drilling these stories for weeks.

"Good, how will you explain her wounds and tracker jacker venom?"

"She had been hunting in two. They had big game and Katniss the ever stubborn would not let that opportunity pass up. The venom came from a recent accident in the woods in which she got knocked into a nest of tracker jackers. She didn't die because she built immunity from the games."

"Goodness, the lies flow out of your lips like Satan. You intend on eating her out with those lips?" chortled out Haymitch.

I stood to my feet and threw a book at his head. He fell off the chair laughing at my chagrin.

"Okay this is good just remember to segue your conversation when it gets to the nitty-gritty. We don't want any mess ups. Call me if she has any questions about something that you don't have the answer to. I'll be here whenever you need me Peeta."

We stood up and left the room to go get Katniss.

We were just out of the door when Haymitch started talking.

"Kid I know how much you hate lying to her, but trust me if one word of the truth comes out of your mouth you'll be dead. Doc. says anything could trigger her memories and the last time I checked her memories of you didn't seem so fond."

I stopped walking and looked him dead ion the eyes.

"I won't screw this up. No bullshit. No complaining. I'll make sure she's safe with me. You know I'll take care of her."

"You sure you want her back? You have a few minutes to segue yourself out of this. You know what might happen if she gets her memory back. We don't know what she thought or felt the past two years and one day she might just wake up next to you not wanting anything to do with you. I mean she left you before many times. She could do it again."

I stared at him taking in the gravity of what he just said. I know if Katniss left me one more time that it would be it for me, but really what difference would it make. Living without her has already left me balls deep into hell and despair. It's simple I'm dead without her and even if I get a chance at having her again I'll take it. I've lived my whole life hoping to have a chance to have her and if that hope was gone I don't know what on earth I would do.

So I would take her. Damaged and all because nothing makes me feel more alive than having Katniss in my life. If she were completely without hope I would still take her. If they gave me a minute with her before she died I would take it because I know and I could only wish to hope she knows that I'd…..

"I'd love her hopless."


End file.
